It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
