You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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