we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Randomize
