I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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