So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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