your room smells of hookers.
And success
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
