Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
No stitches, just platelets and will power
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Randomize