Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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