So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
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