I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
