you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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