He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
