went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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