I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Sacagawea was the original milf.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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