as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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