So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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