everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize