are you so shy because you have an std?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
