She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
