literally had 100 drinks last night.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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