I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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