soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
