how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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