dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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