My hair reeks of homosexuality.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
