My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
