And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I cut my penus on the lid.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
