I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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