Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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