When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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