are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
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