Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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