i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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