I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
