They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
