I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Randomize
