why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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