I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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