it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Randomize