i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
My vagina is officially offended.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
