I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
