just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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