Welp...herpes.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Less talking, more tequila
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize