if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
