No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
