how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
