This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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