Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
bring money and cleavage
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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