I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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