just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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