laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I think my moral compass just broke
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