i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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