erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
