he shaved USA in his pubs
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
