Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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