I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Randomize
