i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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