I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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