i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
A bitchslap is in order.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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