If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
