its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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