sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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