Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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