Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Randomize
