omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Randomize
