just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
